I Love You
“This is really hard for me. I don’t know how else to say it. I don’t want to hurt you, I care for you as a friend. You told me you loved me and that took courage, but I just don’t feel that way…”
He just keeps talking and talking, while I stroke my fluffy gray cat and wonder why men can’t be more feline. He, that would be the human, looks so pathetic trying to let me down easy. My eyes meet my cat’s and we share a silent snicker.
“… I can see you’re upset. That’s the last thing I want. Just remember all the good times we had. We shouldn’t push this into something it isn’t. It’s not you, it’s me. You are an amazing woman…”
This is too much. I laugh and my disgruntled cat jumps to the floor. I can’t blame him, really, I’d run away if I could.
“…Don’t act like this please.”
He’s actually pleading now–how pathetic. The voice in my head that always knows best wonders what I ever saw in this one. It’s a reasonable question.
“You don’t know how hard this is for me, really. I’ve tried to love you, but some things are never meant to be…”
I nod. What a fucking debacle. I never meant to tell him I loved him. It just slipped out. And it wasn’t a Freudian slip, either. It was a mistake.
See, I thought he was someone else. Okay, that’s not exactly true–I was pretending he was someone else. But that’s an awful thing to tell someone – “You know the other night when you were screwing me senseless and I told you that I loved you? Well actually I was pretending you were Brad Pitt. Oopsie.”
At first I thought he hadn’t heard me; he was somewhat distracted at the time. Talk about stopping someone cold, he just shriveled up. And I’ve known this little talk was coming ever since.
“…maybe someday you’ll that special person who really understands
After stints as a private school teacher, baker and partner in a graphic design firm, Rebecca decided that she’d like to be a writer when she grows up. Although her first novel is still without a publishing home, her stories have appeared at Litopia.com and SNReview. She maintains a blog at www.felldesign.com/rebecca