Literary Tonic

The Palm Tree Scene

All animals hate parrots. Those birds think they’re high and mighty because they can imitate humans. Polly this, Polly that. Sharks are bullies in grade school and when they grow up. Rub them wrong, they’ll bite the hell out of you to get your lunch money or wife. Talking it through is a foreign concept. Crabs have it the worst. All animals know crabs are a sexually transmitted disease among humans. They can never look you straight in the eye. Turtles are worn from sea travel with lots of stories to tell. They aren’t to be trusted; senility dawns in their old age. Coconuts aren’t animals, but they rain down on me constantly.